One year when I was working at JuvyDinks R Us, the Board of Directors decided that if we could find a place for all of the clients to go over the Thanksgiving Holiday, none of us would have to work, but we would all get paid. For most of the boys it wasn’t a problem. One Board member even had one of the boys stay with his family. But Crazy Dave didn’t have anywhere to go. My roommate also worked at JuvyDinks R Us and figured working at home was better than working at work, so (without asking me) he volunteered us to take Dave for the holiday.
It didn’t work out too bad. Dave had Thanksgiving dinner at my Grandmother’s house, which was a surprise for her, but went just fine. On Friday, in one of our, perhaps, less-than-brilliant moves, my roommate and I decided to go hunting. We weren’t going to give Dave a gun (he didn’t have a license anyway), so we used him as a bird dog. I felt a little weird about it at first, but since Dave didn’t get out into the country much, he apparently had the time of his life running around, stomping through fields and crashing through the underbrush. Unfortunately, he wasn’t a very good bird dog, so we didn’t bag any birds. My roommate did, however, shoot a squirrel.
When we got back to the house, my roommate opted out of squirrel-cleaning in order to get ready for a date. I took the squirrel out back and started cleaning it. I figured we might as well give Dave the whole experience and I was pretty sure none of the other boys were going to get to eat fried squirrel as part of their Thanksgiving Holiday, so Dave would have something unique to talk about.
Dave came out to watch me clean the squirrel. At first, he didn’t say anything, which was a bit unusual for him. Then he said, “Hey, you know what we need to do? We need to get a coffee can, fill it with plaster of paris, cut off the front paws and the head and then stick them in the can next to the edge and make it look like he’s sinking in quicksand. We can give it to Jean as a paperweight.”
Jean was my boss, a very nice, but not very outdoorsy lady. I told Dave I didn’t think I had enough cash to buy plaster of paris.